17 November 2012
This blog started as an attempt to encourage others and myself who find themselves in the same shoes as my feet are nestled in. That is, how to get up from the muck, hold your head tall, put that smile on your face and get up every morning when nothing seems to be going right.
This blog morphed into a "search for my identity" as the time flickers forward. I have watched, observed and hear about women who found that new "niche" after feeling left stranded in the middle of a blowing desert staring at the wind blowing the dust around their feet.
I ask myself every day (since I started this blog about three years ago) how do they do it?
I decided on a few things:
- They remain strong. It seems that they plow through whatever obstacle that is before them and keeps their eyes looking forward.
- They keep their determination to push through that new road. It is almost as though they do not look left or right.
- They put all of their energy into one thing. That thing of focus, that goal and the "thing" that is the most important to them.
- They seem to never give up.
And whollah! They have obtained their goal, at least of survival...paying the rent, buying food, keeping the car in good shape. Are they happy? I don't know, some seem to be.
Now I don't know if anyone really reads this blog. If anyone actually reads all the stuff I put in here, links, health, and more health. So I decided to taint things on the more personal side of life. Sometimes, I have found that if I feel a certain way others feel the same way. It helps us not to feel so alone while struggling. My struggles are mostly of the mind, that sense of failure and isolation that most single women feel although we cannot admit this due to social pressures.
I have been focusing on health because it is a big part of life when your world seems to be falling apart. Imagine if your health were to deteriorate while trying to maintain some type of existence. What a pain that would be. I have been lucky in that respect of this new and what seems to be a very long road for me. A road that seems to never end. This is said not to be a downer, but to expose a reality that is rarely spoken of...the elephant in the room.
The important part is to remain strong. I remember when I was a war photojournalist (another long story of why did I do that?) I was covering a story in Bethlehem after a 40 day incursion of the Israeli's Defense Force (IDF). This was a time in history where the IDF surrounded almost all of the West Bank towns and imposed curfews, turned off water, shut down the electricity and buzzed the streets with bulldozers, tanks, jeeps and guns. They also would talk over peoples homes on the high ground and created lookout posts as places to shoot from if they saw any movement in the streets.
The time was horrible and it was dangerous for journalists as well. So, I waited until they were pulling out and I went in to see the damage. I interviewed a woman who was what I would call "held hostage" for 40 days. Her home was right across from the Nativity Church, where they say that Jesus was born. She lived on the top floor. Her humble abode was taken over for that 40 days by Israeli soldiers while they shot bullets from their window. Her husband was ill and they were allowed to remain in a corner of their room on the bed during their stay. They were provided with random food and her husband was allowed to continue with his medication. They could not enter into the rest of the home except to use the restroom and were not allowed outside of the tiny square of their bed. While talking with her I realized that she was lucky and that the soldiers who used her home were decent...or shall I say more decent than others in the same situation had experienced.
It was only a few hours after the IDF left when I spoke with her. With a smile, she pulled out a packaged cake that soldier gave her before they left as a good-bye. She felt that he was a "nice boy". She had not realized the reality of her situation that is called the Stockholm syndrome where a hostages gain positive feelings towards their captors. Instead of breaking down emotionally, she was more concerned about offering a piece of cake, some tea and showing me her panoramic view from the roof.
In politeness, I had some cake and tea then went to see the panoramic view. We walked outside onto her veranda and she pointed to a frail ladder and pointed then looked up. I quickly realized that she wanted me to climb that ladder to see the view. I became nervous for my own safety, not of bullets but from falling down that ladder.
She looked at me and shook her head and started climbing waving her hand at me to start following. This woman was about 70 years old remind you. I stood at the bottom and watched her climb right up that ladder without any pauses, no fretting and without fear but firmly placed her feet on the rungs with determination. I quietly said under my breath, "Well, if she can do it, then I can...umm do it!"
It was at that moment that I saw her strength which seemed boundless and fearless. She was solid like a deeply planted stone into the earth. She had suffered in a conflict under horrible conditions and remained very strong with a smile vigor and was hospitable. In my eyes, she became wonder woman and respect for her flowed into my soul like a river. I shook my head and said to myself "Amazing"
It was that moment that I decided that I too needed to be strong and then remain strong. To look at the enemy in the eye and keep going. When times seem tough and I don't want to put one foot in front of the other, I remember her. This woman of war taught me something very valuable, that we too can be like her. We too can climb that ladder.
