Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation Step 6

Now that you have discovered your personality trait and matched some recommended careers, it is time to research your recommended careers.
      But before you launch on a career search, take out your list of needs and wants.

• Cross out the not really needed needs
• and review the wants
• Put dollar signs next to the ones that cost something
• Enter the steps needed to reach your goal:  for example you entered I want to loose weight:
• start exercising
• exercise 30 minutes each day/walking, bike riding, jogging, yoga etc... (exercise need not to cost you any money!)
• Eat healthier foods
• Stop eating ice cream and chocolates
• Drink more water

Do these steps with every want and need.  Now take the ones with dollar amounts and create a budget on another paper listing your needs:

• Rent/mortage
• Utilities
• Car payment
• Insurance (broken down, health, auto etc)
• Child care
• Medicine
• Clothing
• Food
• Gas
• Credit cards (if any...we will talk about that later)  For credit cards, add more than your minimum payment.  

     Now take these amounts and add them up, this is what you need to take home each month, remember that number and start on the path for a new career search!
Career Research
     I found a couple of good sites that give you an idea of the lifestyle, average pay and recommended experience or education is needed:
    One of the great sites is the U.S. Office of Bureau of Labor and Statistics  This site gives you just about everything that you want to know, but you will find yourself pressing link after link and filtering the technical lingo to find your answers.  It may be worth the effort during your research.  Here are some helpful BLS links:
Occupational Outlook Handbook This is the place where you can search for an occupation and find out

• the training and education needed
• earnings
• expected job prospects
• what workers do on the job
• working conditions

The front page will provide you with instructions on how to use the online handbook, enter your job preference in the search box. I found the "search box" difficult to find here is the link: OOH Search Box  The dweeb that I am, I actually love this site!  It gives you the future outlook, how the competation is for the position, wages, by area, full time, part time, your education needs for example, I entered Reporter, and was taken to a page of choices, I chose News Analysts they gave a brief summary followed by a detailed description.

• Competition will be keen for jobs at large metropolitan and national newspapers, broadcast stations, and magazines; small publications and broadcast stations and online newspapers and magazines should provide the best opportunities.
• Most employers prefer individuals with a bachelor's degree in journalism or mass communications and experience gained at school newspapers or broadcasting stations or through internships with news organizations.
• Jobs often involve long, irregular hours and pressure to meet deadlines.

Once you have spent some time getting an idea of what you would like to do, what seems reasonable and doable, write down your career choices, maybe copy and paste, or print the careers that you are considering.  I would advise bookmarking the website for future reference.

• Narrow down your choices, in doing so, consider:
• Does the pay match my needs?
• Is it realistic?
• Is it doable?
• Do I really have a passion, does my heart soar with the thought of this work?
• Do I have the time that it takes to prepare?
• Do i live in the right place for this position?
• Does the income meet my needs?

     If you are having a difficult time deciding on a group of similar and related careers, monster.com has a nice resource for career mapping.  You start on a given career and they will show you related careers that you may not have considered or known about.  If something catches your eye, look that one up too! Just a side note:  don't get sidetracked!  It is easy to go from one place on the internet to another and bring yourself in circles, wasting your time....STAY FOCUSED!
     Once you have written your desired careers, you can use the monster mapping site to quickly see what is out there.  It is important to stick your feet in the water and understand the real market for your career.  Read some of the jobs that are offered (there are easy links on the map) and see what type of experience they are looking for.  It may prove that you will need to spend some time towards developing your career, gaining more experience, gathering education, or starting as a volunteer to start getting your foot in the door.
     But do not fret.  You are only looking into your options for the moment and giving yourself some things to think about and consider!

Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation Step 5

Below is a list of attributes on a separate page in your journal and write down the ones that most suit you and add others that come to your mind.  This is just to get your mind going and observing yourself based on the steps you have taken previously.

*  Value tradition, security, and peaceful living

    * Will work long and hard to fulfill duties

    * Can be depended on to follow through on tasks

    * Loyal and faithful

Profound respect for facts and concrete information

    * Make decisions objectively, applying logic and rational thinking

    * Dislike change, unless they are shown it's benefit in a concrete way

Hard-working and dependable

    * Athletic and wholesome

    * Have a clear set of standards and beliefs which they live by

Highly observant and aware of people's feelings and reactions

    * Excellent memory for details which are important to them

    * Very in-tune with their surroundings - excellent sense of space and function

Take their responsibilities seriously

·      Extremely uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation

Enjoy creating order, structure and schedules

    * Enjoy interacting with people

    * Warm-hearted and sympathetic

#  Live in the present moment

# Are stimulated and excited by new experiences

#  Driven to turn theories into plans

# Highly value knowledge

# Future-oriented

#  Flexible and Diverse

# Excellent communication skills

# Enjoy debating issues with other people

You may already see some types or groups that are related to each other.  Ask yourself, do you seem like a nurturer, a performer,  a scientist, an artist or a doer?

Now go to this weblink:  Personality Page and explore to find your closest personality type to explore careers that closely fit who you are!

     Write it all down in your journal.
     *Note:  If you are inclined to search the web for other personality/career tests. Be aware that many of the online test only give you a glimpse into the results and then they want to get paid!  There are not many online resources that are free it seems that everyone is trying to find a way to make a dollar and that is understandable, so before you spend time taking tests, research the site to make sure you know what you are getting into.  Otherwise you may be wasting a lot of your own time.

Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation: Step 4

Now that you have been journalizing and making lists for a while, it is time to re-read your lists:
What your attractions are, your limits, negative traits and thoughts, what you want and what you need.

• Read them and observe if the items still pertains to how you felt when you made the lists. It may have been some time and attitudes change, feelings change and situations change.
• Cross out the items that do not seem to reflect who you are, keep the ones that you know are true.

Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation Step 3

As you move along these steps, keep the previous steps in your mind and add items to your lists as they come along. 

• Now reflect on your positive traits, your thinking, actions, and attributes.  Write them down on a new page in your journal, titled positive traits.
• Start another page and list your wants.  They can be anything, you want a different car, you want new sheets for your bed, you want to have more time for yourself, you want to go out to dinner once a week etc..
• Again, start another page but this time, write down your needs.  Ask yourself if these items are really your needs or your wants.  Your needs is something like, a babysitter for my child if I am to get a job and work, money to pay the electric and utility bills, I bed to sleep in...etc.

Take your time with these lists, give yourself a week to reflect on them so your list reflects who you really are and your reality.

Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation: Step 2

Negative Traits
Start a new page in your journal and title it Negative Traits.  You will be going back and adding to this page as you go along.

• Write down your negative traits that limit your life.
• As you go about your day, observe your negative thoughts and actions that may limit your personal growth or block your movements.
• As you find answers add them to your list and do not worry about what you can do about them yet.

This process may take some time, but do not worry about it. Don't fret about your negative traits, just simply observe them and write them down on your list as they are revealed to you.  Later you will come back to them and start to cross them off your list while you develop new thoughts!  I must mention that while writing down negative traits may leave us feeling a bit "hopeless" and in despair.  Just remember, these traits can be overcome in time and every single human being that walks and breathes upon this earth has something to deal with and you are not alone, strange, weird, or incapable of growth.  Growth is what life is all about.  My mother is 94 years old with a sharp mind, and she is still learning and growing!  What excitement it is for us to have the ability to improve our lives and grow forever learning and taking steps towards personal enhancement!

Steps Towards Discovering Your Vocation: Step 1

Finding your place in the world is not a simple task.  I believe finding your place requires a balance in your lifestyle.  You first must be able to think clearly, not to panic or limit the world around you.  You must be physically healthy, or feel the best that you possibly can, you must be able to be honest with yourself and not limit your thoughts and your importance to what you have to offer others, you also must get plenty of rest, eat healthy foods and spend alone time with yourself.  The process of discovering your vocation may take some time and it is important that you are patient with yourself.  Do not pressure yourself with time limits because starting a new career and moving through a life changing transition is not a rapid task.  Being an older displaced homemaker, makes this even more difficult because we can feel the "clock ticking" and time moving.  We realize that we have lived most of our lives and now we have entered into another stage or season of life.  We are not in our 20's or 30's anymore and there is not much room for errors nor is there any room for making additional changes in the future.  This is why it is important to remain patient with your thoughts and yourself before making big changes.  It is important to have the feeling of inner peace before making that big step.
     Life is never sure, as we have learned from our past experiences, the economy of today, and the increased natural disasters that seems to be taking place.  As we get older, we tend to feel our own vulnerability in life we feel a bit more fragile.
     I have listed a few steps to take you towards your journey of discovering your vocation.  We all know that we need to survive and earn an income so this journey is one that is necessary for the woman who suddenly finds themselves alone and in the midst of changes that we did not expect.

• First, start a daily journal.  Purchase a blank notebook and start in that.  Write in it every day.  Find a time in your day that you will not be disturbed and you can write.  If you are super busy, buy a small notebook to put into your purse so you can quickly jot down thoughts and ideas as your day passes by you.  Be faithful with this, you will find that the journal will become your best friend.  Do not worry about what you say nor limit your thoughts.  This is your free flowing moment, say anything without limitations.

• Throughout the day, start observing yourself as if from the outsiders perspective.  This is not easy to do, but notice how you communicate with others, what makes you smile, what makes you happy.  For example:
• When you go into a book store, what subjects are you drawn to?  Remember them, write them down.
• When you rent a movie or go to the theater, what are you drawn to?  Why?  Write it down.
• When you are engaged in conversations with others, what topics do you tend to gravitate towards with others?  Do those topics hold your attention and you can go on for hours talking about them, or do you become rather bored and tend to cut them short?  Write down the topics that seem to be common in your social life.  write them down.

Do not worry about the time here, just be patient and honest.  If you are not honest, you are only cheating yourself.  Remember, it is for yourself that you do this and you are very important.  You do not need to impress anyone, listen to anyone or decide that you "should" be interested in this or that.  Find the freedom to have the ability to be who you are, different an unique from any other.
     Follow these steps for long enough to gather some answers, it may take you days or weeks or months do not limit yourself.
      Now that you have spent time in knowing who you are, observed yourself and stated your traits and desires.  Sit down and read over your interest list.  Cross off the items that do not seem to really pertain to who you really are.  You may have listed 5 or 6 or maybe 10 different areas of interest. Now number the ones that are left from the most important to the least important. For example, you like home decorating, animals, nature, cooking, science, medicine, and music.
Look for the items that really make you soar inside when you read the list number that item 1 and so on.
     Put your list aside in your journal and start another page following the suggestions in Step 2:  Negative Traits

Self-Care Tips

On your journey towards wholeness, it is important to take care of yourself.  Taking care of yourself will help you to think more clearly, feel better about who you are, and have more energy. A daily routine, eat healthy foods and get plenty of rest are the calling cards for taking care of yourself. In addition, take care of your teeth, your hair, and your body.  Wear colors that appeal to you and your skin color.  Add accents to your furnishings to create a stimulating environment for yourself.  Make new friends and find people who you can share your life experiences with, your changes and growth.  You need to bring things into your life that bring you pleasure and fun, find things that you connect with and things that make you laugh and smile.  A nourished self creates a complete self!

Below are some examples of things that you can do to help you grow!
Physical

• Take a walk
• Ride a bike
• Soak in a hot bath with candles and music
• Exercise at the gym
• stretch and move or dance to music
• Sit in the sun for 15 minutes
• Change one thing to improve your diet
• Watch and listen to birds in nature
• Go swimming
• Sit in the garden or a park
• Take a nap
• Get a message
• Eat totally healthy for one day

Emotional

• Breath deep and think, "I am calm, I feel peace"
• Share feelings with a friend
• Sing
• Hug someone and ask for a hug
• Pretend that you are talking to someone and they are facing you in an empty chair.
• Notice what you are feeling twice in one day.
• Write a letter to someone who has hurt you, but do not give it to them.  Forgive them in your heart and burn or bury it.
• Notice your fear and take a step to face it
• Smile at a stranger
• List your accomplishments and post it on your bathroom mirror.

Mental

• Read a book or magazine
• Start writing in a journal, don't think about what you are saying.  Just say it!
• Make a to do list, and post it on your fridge, cross items off when you have completed them!
• Challenge yourself to write a poem
• Make of list of things that you want to improve your life with.  Write sub headings on steps you can take to accomplish your goals.
• Write down negative beliefs that limit your life.  Notice that limitation each day for a week until you have overcome it, then move on to the next one!  Give yourself time.
• List your traits (be honest)
• List your needs (your real needs)
• Lists your wants (without limitations)
• Make a list of short term and long term goals
• Review you day when you wake up and review your day before you sleep.

Spiritual

• Connect with nature
• Meditate for 5-15 minutes each day.  Focus on your breathing, feel the ground below you, where your legs meet the ground, listen to the sounds around you.  Don't worry about "blanking your mind" just learn to focus on your now while you stay quiet for a few moments each day.
• Volunteer in your community
• Get a book and learn about a religion different than your own.
• Practice forgiveness, even if you have to forgive over and over and over again.
• Give yourself quiet time every single day.  Time for yourself, time to think and feel outside of the world's hustle and bustle.  

Making new friends

It is important for a woman who is starting over to make new friends.  Suggestions are to start online to gain confidence, then join a local support group and then hit the world with a smile.  Some other suggestions are:

Volunteer organizations: a green organization, a political party, or Habitat for Humanity. Women with children can meet other moms volunteering in their child’s class.

Free museums: Virtually, every museum in America has one day a month with free admission.

Outside, walking a dog: Borrow a friend’s pooch if necessary. Canines are terrific ice breakers and most dogs will say, “Hi,” to every other dog.

Outside, taking pictures (free for women with cameras): Walk around town taking photos. It’s amazing how many new things a gal might notice. Women can meet tons of people with the help of a camera.

Free cooking classes: These are offered at places like Whole Foods and Williams Sonoma.

Free exercise buddies: Try hiking.meetup.com to find happy, healthy gals in almost every part of the country.

Read more at Suite101: Women Need to Make New Friends After a Divorce: Meet People and Find New Female Friend - Girlfriends http://single-parent-support.suite101.com/article.cfm/women_need_to_make_new_friends_after_a_divorce#ixzz0liQ9U3MF

Volunteer organizations: a green organization, a political party, or Habitat for Humanity. Women with children can meet other moms volunteering in their child’s class.

Free museums: Virtually, every museum in America has one day a month with free admission.

Outside, walking a dog: Borrow a friend’s pooch if necessary. Canines are terrific ice breakers and most dogs will say, “Hi,” to every other dog.

Outside, taking pictures (free for women with cameras): Walk around town taking photos. It’s amazing how many new things a gal might notice. Women can meet tons of people with the help of a camera.

Free cooking classes: These are offered at places like Whole Foods and Williams Sonoma.

Free exercise buddies: Try hiking.meetup.com to find happy, healthy gals in almost every part of the country.

Read more at Suite101: Women Need to Make New Friends After a Divorce: Meet People and Find New Female Friend - Girlfriends http://single-parent-support.suite101.com/article.cfm/women_need_to_make_new_friends_after_a_divorce#ixzz0liQ9U3MF

• Volunteer at an organization
• Free Museums:  Most museums have a free day every month
• Outside walking a dog, borrow one if you have to.  They provide great ice breakers to start up conversations.
• Walk around town taking pictures.  You would be surprised how many people you can meet with the help of a camera.
• Find a free cooking class in places like Whole Foods or other stores.
• Free walking or hiking buddies:  try www.hiking.meetup.com

Volunteer organizations: a green organization, a political party, or Habitat for Humanity. Women with children can meet other moms volunteering in their child’s class.

Free museums: Virtually, every museum in America has one day a month with free admission.

Outside, walking a dog: Borrow a friend’s pooch if necessary. Canines are terrific ice breakers and most dogs will say, “Hi,” to every other dog.

Outside, taking pictures (free for women with cameras): Walk around town taking photos. It’s amazing how many new things a gal might notice. Women can meet tons of people with the help of a camera.

Free cooking classes: These are offered at places like Whole Foods and Williams Sonoma.

Free exercise buddies: Try hiking.meetup.com to find happy, healthy gals in almost every part of the country.

Read more at Suite101: Women Need to Make New Friends After a Divorce: Meet People and Find New Female Friend - Girlfriends http://single-parent-support.suite101.com/article.cfm/women_need_to_make_new_friends_after_a_divorce#ixzz0liQ9U3MF

Starting Over

The pain involved with break-ups and loss is enough without the added pain and fear of starting over.  If the relationship was not healthy and self esteem is low then there is the fear of success in finding a job and making enough money to survive.

Where does one start?  The problem is that we have to start over with a few things at the same time:

• The most important thing is to take care of yourself! You come first, you must come first.
• There are three things that must balance in ones life:
• The Body
• The Soul
• Your mind

• Then you must take care of your basic needs, and your will be clear enough to be able to focus on starting the process towards developing your career and to learn what direction you should go.

All I can say is do not fret! And I know that you may have heard the mantras, "Time will heal", "Take one day at a time", "You can do it".


These statements are true.  They are mantras for a reason.

Gone are the days...

Wifely submission is risky business in the 1990s. Gone is the day when a wife could depend on her husband's labor to maintain her at home, "secure and safe." Today is the day of divorce at will and equality rhetoric, which means that if her marriage ends, the homemaking wife  will be catapulted into financial independence, and probably financial ruin. Such is the 1990s price tag for choosing to "play with dolls." in V.I. Warshawski in Burn Marks. 

I can add that wifely activities is a risky business in the 2000s. Notice the term "Play with dolls"  I remember auditioning for a commercial to earn extra income for my family.  You know, the kind of commercial where the loving mother cooks ready made fried chicken in the oven for the working husband and two lovely children of both sexes?  The mother removes the chicken from the oven while the happy family waits for the good home cooked meal and serves it with a smile, chanting a few sentences and she arrives to the table.  During the audition, the director reminded me that I was..get this, "Just a housewife".

This type of terminology belittles the woman who chose to stay at home, raising her children and run a household,  which requires a handful of different tasks that keeps them enormously busy all day and into the night.  The stay at home mom, does not "sit on the couch and eat bon-bons" or "play with dolls" (unless they play with their 3 year old daughter to encourage play, rather than sit in front of the tv watching some cartoon for their afternoon entertainment)  The stay at home mom needs to have organizational skills, know economics, safety, psychology, crisis intervention, health and diet, diplomacy, mathematics, science, chemistry, world history, algebra, physics, sports, legal and medical issues, patience, intuition, and the list goes on.  Who ever said that a stay at home mom is lazy, has the life of luxury and eats bon-bons and watches soap operas all day?

However, no matter how much we loved our husbands and our families, sometimes things just fall apart and the reality is as stated above.  It is a risk these days for a women to secure herself in trusting that her future will be "provided for" and to put aside her education and career building to remain at home raising her children in order to provide the highest level of support and security for her children.  The risk is great and it is horrible to admit that something might happen that would spin her world around. It is like removing the carpet from under her feet, leaving her pillow wet from the fountain of tears.